I can't go to Warped Tour anymore.
Because Round Up is the same day as Warped Tour.
And the 26th is the two year anniversary that Alex's grandfather died.
And that's the hardest thing that he's ever gone through.
And he died at 11:17pm.
And I wanted to be there.
With him.
At 11:17pm.
That way he wouldn't have to do this alone again.
This time he'd have someone that cares about him.
With him to go through it again.
But since it's a school night.
My dad won't let me be there.
And I probably won't be able to call either.
But whatever.
I will anyways.
I love that boy more than anything.
And I HATE that I can't be there for him.
It drives me completely crazy!
Well.
I have to go.
:/
<33
Because Round Up is the same day as Warped Tour.
And the 26th is the two year anniversary that Alex's grandfather died.
And that's the hardest thing that he's ever gone through.
And he died at 11:17pm.
And I wanted to be there.
With him.
At 11:17pm.
That way he wouldn't have to do this alone again.
This time he'd have someone that cares about him.
With him to go through it again.
But since it's a school night.
My dad won't let me be there.
And I probably won't be able to call either.
But whatever.
I will anyways.
I love that boy more than anything.
And I HATE that I can't be there for him.
It drives me completely crazy!
Well.
I have to go.
:/
<33
I swear I am heated to the max. You make me soo angry. You are getting on my last nerve. I swear I swear I swear. I just wish I could build a brick wall in front of the door and the garage so you wouldn't have a way to get in. Because of you have soo much unforgiveness that I thought I had rid myself of. But no, obviously not. And because of you I can't even come home at night. I hate this house because you're in it. All you do is sit, and you do nothing with your life. Your never going to amount to anything. You married a poor loser and that's the truth. I'm pretty sure I hate you. All my sympathy for you vanishes when I think about how it's all your fault. Noone caused this but yourself and that's the sad part. You tend to blame everyone around you, well when are you gonna get it through your uneducated brain that it's all you babe. I'm done wasting my breath just please do me a favor and GET OUT OF MY LIFE!
- Music:Only after the atmosphere comes to life
to get my heart broken...
like really.
not just part of it. the whole thing is about to be crushed.
someone come over and like hold me or whatever as i cry from the anticipation.
no seriously call me and tell me your coming over.
i'll let you in.
like really.
not just part of it. the whole thing is about to be crushed.
someone come over and like hold me or whatever as i cry from the anticipation.
no seriously call me and tell me your coming over.
i'll let you in.
I know I'm posting alot. I'm sorry.
I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. Don't you get it? I want to be mad, I want to scream, but I can't all I can possibly do is love you. I know you're doing just fine without me and you don't need me at all, but I feel different. The words I always have said, I meant. When I told you I NEED YOU and I LOVE YOU, I freaking meant it. I didn't just say it like you did. I didn't LIE TO YOU. I never ever did. I swear I want to die because I don't have you. I can't even smile. Today has been hell. I woke up this morning feeling like a quitter, feeling like a reject. I feel so unwanted and unneeded. I feel like you lied to me all night last night, and then just waited for the right time to throw it all away. You really did do that. If you really loved me, you wouldn't do this. You wouldn't. So what am I going to do now? Accept it, move on, I just did. And after that I'm going to climb that pecan tree, not dabating whether morality is: A social adaptation, a product of evolution, or put there by God? No I'm just going to climb the thing like I did when I was a kid. And after that I'm going to dinner with my Paw Paw. And when he cries about how his arthritis is bad, his own daughter rejects him, he's sad. I'll put my arm around him and listen, watch his weary old eyes glisten.. As he expierences my love for him. And after that I'll go home, sit on the floor and start singing songs to the one that gave me this joy that I'm feeling, but it's more then just some fleeting feeling, it's eternal truth in which I am reeling. And then at night I lay my head to rest without the slightest bit of fright or fret knowing I made the day the best I could. And that God truly is good...
Just a thought, not the way I feel completely. But I'm trying okay?
Someday I just WISH you would rely on someone otherwise, and feel how I feel. For once.
I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. Don't you get it? I want to be mad, I want to scream, but I can't all I can possibly do is love you. I know you're doing just fine without me and you don't need me at all, but I feel different. The words I always have said, I meant. When I told you I NEED YOU and I LOVE YOU, I freaking meant it. I didn't just say it like you did. I didn't LIE TO YOU. I never ever did. I swear I want to die because I don't have you. I can't even smile. Today has been hell. I woke up this morning feeling like a quitter, feeling like a reject. I feel so unwanted and unneeded. I feel like you lied to me all night last night, and then just waited for the right time to throw it all away. You really did do that. If you really loved me, you wouldn't do this. You wouldn't. So what am I going to do now? Accept it, move on, I just did. And after that I'm going to climb that pecan tree, not dabating whether morality is: A social adaptation, a product of evolution, or put there by God? No I'm just going to climb the thing like I did when I was a kid. And after that I'm going to dinner with my Paw Paw. And when he cries about how his arthritis is bad, his own daughter rejects him, he's sad. I'll put my arm around him and listen, watch his weary old eyes glisten.. As he expierences my love for him. And after that I'll go home, sit on the floor and start singing songs to the one that gave me this joy that I'm feeling, but it's more then just some fleeting feeling, it's eternal truth in which I am reeling. And then at night I lay my head to rest without the slightest bit of fright or fret knowing I made the day the best I could. And that God truly is good...
Just a thought, not the way I feel completely. But I'm trying okay?
Someday I just WISH you would rely on someone otherwise, and feel how I feel. For once.
If your life was made into a movie, what type of movie would you want it to be? Who would you choose to play yourself? Who would play the important people in your life? Submitted by |
If your life was made into a movie, what type of movie would you want it to be? Who would you choose to play yourself? Who would play the important people in your life? Submitted by |
Who would play me? I would want Alexis Bledel to play me. Because my mom says that I look like her even though I don't see it. And plus she's Rory Gilmore and I love Rory.
Hmm. To answer the last question I'd have to list the people I think are important. So here I go. And I'll try and keep in short. Ish.
Cody. - Justin Chatwin.
Amelia. - Amanda Seyfried.
Maddy. - Mena Suvari.
Amanda. - Keria Knightley.
Annie. - Martine McCutcheon.
Meghan. - Lacey Chabert.
David. - John Patrick Amedori.
Pastor J. - Jesse Bradford.
Isaac. - George Lopez.
Josh. Luis Armand Garcia.
Aaron. - Cory Monteith.
Jackie. - Missy Peregrym.
Kally. - Rachel McAdams.
Chante. - Emily Osment.
Cydney. - Lindsay Lohan.
Taylor. - Lizzy Caplan.
My Mom. - Margret Cho.
My Dad. - Danny Lloyd.
My Sister. - Natalie Portman.
My Grandma. - Oprah.
Ok I think that just about covers it. Now to go back and find people. Hmm.
This is not a puzzle or mainframe
But it’s meant to strengthen your faith
And each time the night falls upon us
We always end up the same,
Were we not born into original sin?
What you ask for is what you get
and what you were given
So fold your hands and get down on your knees
Mann, where do I start? I just really need to vent, I have tears falling down my face, I'm distressed and I JUST NEED SOMEONE.. is that okay?
Well, I don't care don't read it if you don't want to know.
So basically I'm 89% sure this week is going to be my last in summer internship. NO it's not because I'm giving up or its taking up my time or because of the people, those aren't the reasons I joined so why would they be the reasons I quit? Don't call me a quitter either, it's not my choice. The story is this.. So about a few months ago my dad found out he has heart diesease and he would die without open heart surgery. He had the oppurtunity to do the procedure but he turned it down and just got a few temporary surgerys instead. Because of that, he has countless clogged aerterys and his heart is very slow and slowly breaking down. He's back to how he was a few months ago but worse, and he's going to be in the hospital soon. I have to be here to take care of him or he could get a heart attack when I'm not around and die because noone was here to call an ambulance. He's also very stressed because his 19 year old daughter is pregnant and throwing her life away, so the stress is wearing him down. Everyone in my family has geneticly transferred ulcers and that's getting to him too. But anyways, there's the reason okay? Please don't give me crap if I quit, that's the last thing I need. I'm going to set up a meeting with Meghan, Caleb and probably Pj, so I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart, not because I want to, because I have to and this is all in God's plan. Everything else doesn't even matter to me, that's the only thing I'm worried about. I DON'T WANT TO QUIT! I've tried so hard and for what? Nothing, at least I got what I did out of it, I've changed so much already, ask anyone.. (this next part is excluding amelia and joshua) But the fact that I feel ALONE. The fact that nothing is just MINE, not one thing is mine to myself. I have noone I can trust in, noone who will always be there, except God, I'm talking about people. I feel like everyone is against me, I feel like everyone just waits til I walk away so they can talk smack about me or make fun of me. I don't know why anyone is even nice to me, I don't know why some of the friends I have are still around. I love you guys by the way. I just don't understand. I hope next year I keep Amelia and make some new friends. Like Mai's gonna be at Beyer so I'm just going to be with her because she's an amazing friend, not kidding. And I just want to get through all of this. It's like the enemy is attacking me all at once. The only thing I can do is trust in God with ALL that I have. I'm scared of spirit west coast, as stupid as it sounds. I hope it's like last year, last year was beautiful. I just can't wait to see myself change, I've already started to and I'm excited to see what God has planned for me.
The ligher note.. I'm going to brentwood tomorrow and six flags on monday! Hecka fun, with my l4l Amalia. And then Spirit West Coast in like 2 weeks! Dang, already. I love jesus. I love how everything is so wrong yet I'm just happy because I have so much jesus. And then hecka heads think I'm still bad and stuff but I don't do shii (except cuss right there, lol.) JK. I love you. Kbye. Sorry Annie, lol.
But it’s meant to strengthen your faith
And each time the night falls upon us
We always end up the same,
Were we not born into original sin?
What you ask for is what you get
and what you were given
So fold your hands and get down on your knees
Mann, where do I start? I just really need to vent, I have tears falling down my face, I'm distressed and I JUST NEED SOMEONE.. is that okay?
Well, I don't care don't read it if you don't want to know.
So basically I'm 89% sure this week is going to be my last in summer internship. NO it's not because I'm giving up or its taking up my time or because of the people, those aren't the reasons I joined so why would they be the reasons I quit? Don't call me a quitter either, it's not my choice. The story is this.. So about a few months ago my dad found out he has heart diesease and he would die without open heart surgery. He had the oppurtunity to do the procedure but he turned it down and just got a few temporary surgerys instead. Because of that, he has countless clogged aerterys and his heart is very slow and slowly breaking down. He's back to how he was a few months ago but worse, and he's going to be in the hospital soon. I have to be here to take care of him or he could get a heart attack when I'm not around and die because noone was here to call an ambulance. He's also very stressed because his 19 year old daughter is pregnant and throwing her life away, so the stress is wearing him down. Everyone in my family has geneticly transferred ulcers and that's getting to him too. But anyways, there's the reason okay? Please don't give me crap if I quit, that's the last thing I need. I'm going to set up a meeting with Meghan, Caleb and probably Pj, so I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart, not because I want to, because I have to and this is all in God's plan. Everything else doesn't even matter to me, that's the only thing I'm worried about. I DON'T WANT TO QUIT! I've tried so hard and for what? Nothing, at least I got what I did out of it, I've changed so much already, ask anyone.. (this next part is excluding amelia and joshua) But the fact that I feel ALONE. The fact that nothing is just MINE, not one thing is mine to myself. I have noone I can trust in, noone who will always be there, except God, I'm talking about people. I feel like everyone is against me, I feel like everyone just waits til I walk away so they can talk smack about me or make fun of me. I don't know why anyone is even nice to me, I don't know why some of the friends I have are still around. I love you guys by the way. I just don't understand. I hope next year I keep Amelia and make some new friends. Like Mai's gonna be at Beyer so I'm just going to be with her because she's an amazing friend, not kidding. And I just want to get through all of this. It's like the enemy is attacking me all at once. The only thing I can do is trust in God with ALL that I have. I'm scared of spirit west coast, as stupid as it sounds. I hope it's like last year, last year was beautiful. I just can't wait to see myself change, I've already started to and I'm excited to see what God has planned for me.
The ligher note.. I'm going to brentwood tomorrow and six flags on monday! Hecka fun, with my l4l Amalia. And then Spirit West Coast in like 2 weeks! Dang, already. I love jesus. I love how everything is so wrong yet I'm just happy because I have so much jesus. And then hecka heads think I'm still bad and stuff but I don't do shii (except cuss right there, lol.) JK. I love you. Kbye. Sorry Annie, lol.
- Music:Circa=apprxomate, about; Survive=in check; Aproximately in check.
i probably shouldnt be up this late because i have class tomorrow at 9. its my last day yayyyy. i've really enjoyed my class its been really good. we had to do this series assignment of pictures that reflect you. and i think i did good on it. but yeah.
i'm just going to get this out of the way so i can move on to the good. i need to get this off my chest. i'm getting really sick and tired of fake people. people who try and seem origional and they try and make themselves out to be something they arent. like i still love them as people because i know what its like to be in their position but seriously. get over yourself. you're not as cool or cute or unique as you think you are. figure out who you are for God's sake and back it up. you say you know who you are. and here's what i have to say. after this I'm done. you either need to figure out who you are and start over. or you already know who you are and you're just the most hypocritical fake person I've ever met in my life. I still love you but seriously. grow up.
anyway. i'm really really happy right now. I got to go to church today. and that really touched me. like i got to see my boy. and all my friends. i was really happy to see david and meghan and annie. i missed them alot. like really i needed those people. just to see them made me feel secure again. these people are my family. they always have been. so right before worship josh looked over at me and touched my shoulder and was like, God is going to touch you tonight. and it really meant alot to me that he said that. and he was right. God really did touch me. Through other people. Everyone was really nice to me and saying how they missed me and all this stuff. and it meant so much to me because i've really felt very lonely recently. like no one really cared. and god was just working through these people my friends to show me that people are there for me and God is always there for me. and worship was amazing. like there is NOTHING like worship no one can deny it and i haven't worshipped like that in three months it was intense.
oh and maddy thank you. in just two comment you really lifted me up. it means alot that you believe in me. :D
i'm just going to get this out of the way so i can move on to the good. i need to get this off my chest. i'm getting really sick and tired of fake people. people who try and seem origional and they try and make themselves out to be something they arent. like i still love them as people because i know what its like to be in their position but seriously. get over yourself. you're not as cool or cute or unique as you think you are. figure out who you are for God's sake and back it up. you say you know who you are. and here's what i have to say. after this I'm done. you either need to figure out who you are and start over. or you already know who you are and you're just the most hypocritical fake person I've ever met in my life. I still love you but seriously. grow up.
anyway. i'm really really happy right now. I got to go to church today. and that really touched me. like i got to see my boy. and all my friends. i was really happy to see david and meghan and annie. i missed them alot. like really i needed those people. just to see them made me feel secure again. these people are my family. they always have been. so right before worship josh looked over at me and touched my shoulder and was like, God is going to touch you tonight. and it really meant alot to me that he said that. and he was right. God really did touch me. Through other people. Everyone was really nice to me and saying how they missed me and all this stuff. and it meant so much to me because i've really felt very lonely recently. like no one really cared. and god was just working through these people my friends to show me that people are there for me and God is always there for me. and worship was amazing. like there is NOTHING like worship no one can deny it and i haven't worshipped like that in three months it was intense.
oh and maddy thank you. in just two comment you really lifted me up. it means alot that you believe in me. :D
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